Monday, May 15, 2017

Silencing It All

Hello Everyone,

Tonight I found it befitting to discuss the "ugly truth" about living life in silence and fear.

 For several years now, I have been surrounded by some individuals who on the surface seemed to be courageous and outspoken; yet inside they were trembling and terrified. I am not talking about just a moment or two of feeling this way, I am talking about the quiet, confining, squeezing the life out of you type of terror. You know that feeling where you want to progress in your life yet everything around you suggests that you remain stagnant and hide under the bed covers?

Just recently I had the big task of coaching a young lady through some very intense situations she was up against and boy was it challenging! Allow me to paint the picture for you. This young lady was beautiful, educated, successful, loving, and the type of woman other women envy. For her privacy, we will call her Rose. Rose was the kind of woman who had set boundaries for her life and tended to stick to the plan of what she thought her life should look like. She grew up in a blue collar family, worked as the typical teens do during high school all while juggling straight A's, cheer leading, and being captain of the swim team. Rose graduated high school and immediately threw herself into conquering college and all the stress that comes along with a freshman. Before long she had found her rhythm and was excelling just as she and her parents had hoped. Semester after semester, test after test, party after party had gone by and now it was time to walk across the stage and receive her B.S. in Psychology. The very things that once seemed to be near impossible had just become possible and now Rose was basking in her achievements.

Several years had passed and Rose was considered by all accounts, an expert in her field. She was serving her community, mentoring those who sought out her wisdom, and had even fallen in love. Yet even in all this, Rose lacked dissatisfaction within her life. Here she was  at 30 in the middle of a tumultuous marriage with a man who lacked discipline,ambition, and romance. The only thing between Rose and Jeff were 6 years of coldness, deceit, jealousy, and miscarriages. You see, she had given more than her soul could bear without anything to show for it. Life had seemed to be everything but kind over the last few years and everything seemed questionable!

"How did I end up here?" she asked me, as she gave me a look of fear and frustration. "I have worked hard all my life and now none of it seems to matter anymore, I am so unhappy." I understand, I interjected....but have you asked yourself what you believe you are missing or are unhappy about? She gazed at me through tear-stained eyes and whispered "I am missing my life, this is not what I'd pictured for myself. Michelle I am too young to feel so incomplete." The moment she allowed that statement to escape her lips, my heart began to crumble for her because I knew all too well the pain and weight of her words.

I had been where she was, walked down that same  road that was filled with so many questions and not enough answers. I too had uttered those words to someone once in my life, hoping and praying that they would know how to console me or talk me out of that place. Those prayers had gone unanswered for months, years even...before I realized that the answer was not meant to come from anyone or anything other than God and myself. There was never a magic wand that had been waved over my life to ease the pain and relieve the discomfort, and neither would it be the case for Rose. I had noticed that as the memories of myself came rushing back to me, Rose was searching my face, watching my mouth, and her holding her breath.She was nearly on the edge of her seat yet at the time, it felt more like a cliff to both of us....waiting on my response. Finally I boldly yet lovingly proclaimed to her this statement "Together, with the help of God, we are going to get through this and discover a new you". While that statement might seem cliche', unnerving, or even too simple; it was the truth that needed to be spoken. Rose did not seek me out to talk about the weather or discuss the latest fashions, she came pouring out her heart in expectations that I'd understand or at least guide her to the right path. There was no way I could allow her to leave my presence and not give her something to ponder on and work towards.

It had helped that during our 3 hour long talk, she shared with me her fears about herself,her marriage, and her life as she had known it. This woman was terrified to be herself and explore her passions of traveling to that quaint cafe' in Paris she had always dreamed about, to simply standing in front of her own mirror and learning to love who she saw looking back at her. Jeff had done so well with forcing her into bouts of silence and submitting to his lifestyle, that she had never challenged herself to speak up anymore. He had controlled what she wore in public all the way down to the undergarments she wore, and the conversations they shared in their bedroom. How difficult that had to have been for someone who was so vibrant and full of life and laughter to slowly wither and become despondent to the things that should have fed her soul.

I share Rose's story with her permission as a way to remind us of how close and how deadly silence and fear can be to any of us. While Rose's story has some abuse suffered at the hands of her husband, maybe your abuse comes directly from your hands. Maybe you have been the only "bad monster" in your path lately, that has silenced you and caused you to feel afraid to live life. Or maybe you have been weighted down by the pain of your past and it has stripped you of the power of your voice. Let me assure you, I understand. I have been there, broken and discouraged, ashamed and afraid. Life has not always been easy for me and there were plenty of days when I wanted to take my own life because I was certain that life was not worth living anymore. The truth is, life can and will be difficult and pain and problems will surely come, however, the irony is so will the joy, laughter, love, and triumphs. You are more than what your story has been in the past, you are stronger than you allow yourself to believe, and yes you are more worthy than those who have devalued your very existence.

Will you believe the lies that were told to you all those years ago or will you move forward in the power of the truth, even if it has appeared to be ugly and unacceptable?! The beauty of the "ugly truth"is that its yours and yours alone, no matter how it comes packaged. Do not dare continue to live life in silence and fear of what could be or even what was. Pick up, pack up, and move forward!

God's got you so smile and live today!
                                                                   
                                                                         With Love,
                                                                          MiMi